I think I really really need to change!
I just don't feel right. I don't feel comfortable being myself.
I get irritated, I don't know how to say sorry like I used to and I'm not being as honest as before.
How do I relax and stop being so uptight? Its no fun hanging around with me anymore.
I feel bad when I reject the effort of others in showering me with love and materials.
I should try putting myself in their shoes.
ok Elaine! Change the way you think! BE POSITIVE!
You're rich! You're smart! You can make others happy! So go out there and do whatever you want!
Why worry? =)
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Go with the flow, think of the present.
Yayyy! I just bought a new watch today. It's suppose to be my 21st birthday present from my high school besties. ahaha.. =D
Anyway, it took me a long time before I could decide which watch I wanted.
It was partly due to my indecisiveness and also the way I was thinking, which was the future.
So basically, I've decided to think about the present and not to think TOOOOOOO far ahead in the future. =)
Hopefully I'll be able to make decisions faster and enjoy being in the present more than before.
Anyway, it took me a long time before I could decide which watch I wanted.
It was partly due to my indecisiveness and also the way I was thinking, which was the future.
So basically, I've decided to think about the present and not to think TOOOOOOO far ahead in the future. =)
Hopefully I'll be able to make decisions faster and enjoy being in the present more than before.
끝
Friday, January 25, 2013
When would I be able to break out from the circle?
I felt bad again, for criticizing or scolding others.
I shouldn't have said 'that's why they're still there'.
I'm sorry.
They could have a reason for doing that job, may be they like it there or may be it wasn't in their scope to attend to me in the first place and I've misinterpreted their intentions.
May be they were doing their best in being helpful? May be...
Anyway, it still wasn't right for me to make such judgement rashly and it isn't like me either.
I've said things that I wished I could take back. It wasn't all insults, some are just plain weird.
I know I can't take it back so I hope the person that listened to it would forget about it.
Is it normal to feel this way? For feeling bad on simple acts like this?
Why am I still in this same circle? Can I or should I break out from it?
Well, I really do want to break out from it but may be it's a gift? Or I'm just too self-conscious. ahaha
I shouldn't have said 'that's why they're still there'.
I'm sorry.
They could have a reason for doing that job, may be they like it there or may be it wasn't in their scope to attend to me in the first place and I've misinterpreted their intentions.
May be they were doing their best in being helpful? May be...
Anyway, it still wasn't right for me to make such judgement rashly and it isn't like me either.
I've said things that I wished I could take back. It wasn't all insults, some are just plain weird.
I know I can't take it back so I hope the person that listened to it would forget about it.
Is it normal to feel this way? For feeling bad on simple acts like this?
Why am I still in this same circle? Can I or should I break out from it?
Well, I really do want to break out from it but may be it's a gift? Or I'm just too self-conscious. ahaha
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
A battle that I have to win.
It's amazing that I didn't blog at all for 1 whole year, especially when it was a whole lot of ups and downs.
Going through a roller coaster year wasn't like any ordinary roller coaster ride.
A normal roller coaster prepares you for an on-coming down slope, it gives you time to build up the courage to face what's ahead. You feel the adrenaline at the start and you leave the ride at the end without feeling any sense of regret. It has a clean closure.
However, a roller coaster in life just hits you there and then, without any preparations given. You feel fear and sometimes a sense of regret when its over. You know what's the right thing to do or how you should handle the thoughts. Yes, you do that. But, you'll definitely feel that something is different or has changed, at least that's how I feel. You may not have built courage at the start but at the end, your endurance becomes a strength.
I was always an attention seeker but I didn't realize I was one. Recently, I've only been twitting or doing a status update when I'm feeling down. My motive was clear, I needed an output and I wanted sympathy. I wanted people to care of me when I know that I have a lot of people who already do. I kept thinking whether it was alright to do that? Self-pity?
All these thinking is coming from within me so I know can handle this by myself, so was it necessary for me to let others know that I'm hurting?
Who am I to complain about the things I've faced when there are others who've had it worse?
I didn't like that way of thinking so I've resorted to expressing through my blog although I know it would be better for me to express out in my personal journal or to a decent human being.
I know I should focus on the important and happy parts of life.
I know I have a choice.
That's why I have to let the negative thinking out in order to continue with the positive thinking.
I feel a bit better know. =)
Thank you Elaine for writing this. For slowly finding a way to love yourself.
Be confident. Be open. Be happy.
Going through a roller coaster year wasn't like any ordinary roller coaster ride.
A normal roller coaster prepares you for an on-coming down slope, it gives you time to build up the courage to face what's ahead. You feel the adrenaline at the start and you leave the ride at the end without feeling any sense of regret. It has a clean closure.
However, a roller coaster in life just hits you there and then, without any preparations given. You feel fear and sometimes a sense of regret when its over. You know what's the right thing to do or how you should handle the thoughts. Yes, you do that. But, you'll definitely feel that something is different or has changed, at least that's how I feel. You may not have built courage at the start but at the end, your endurance becomes a strength.
I was always an attention seeker but I didn't realize I was one. Recently, I've only been twitting or doing a status update when I'm feeling down. My motive was clear, I needed an output and I wanted sympathy. I wanted people to care of me when I know that I have a lot of people who already do. I kept thinking whether it was alright to do that? Self-pity?
All these thinking is coming from within me so I know can handle this by myself, so was it necessary for me to let others know that I'm hurting?
Who am I to complain about the things I've faced when there are others who've had it worse?
I didn't like that way of thinking so I've resorted to expressing through my blog although I know it would be better for me to express out in my personal journal or to a decent human being.
I know I should focus on the important and happy parts of life.
I know I have a choice.
That's why I have to let the negative thinking out in order to continue with the positive thinking.
I feel a bit better know. =)
Thank you Elaine for writing this. For slowly finding a way to love yourself.
Be confident. Be open. Be happy.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Parents always have the best intention!! =D
I just had a little chat with my parents and I enjoyed it. =)
The problem with me is, after all the inspirations and better feelings that i get from advices and open-up conversations, i tend to forget the feeling after awhile and go back to my old self. However, I'm constantly trying to improve myself, so that i can be a better daughter and a better person as well.
I know my pros and cons. I'm not so good at understanding people or advicing but i'm good at being patient and compromising. My cons are usually related to confidence, that leads to charisma, ahving a stand, self-esteem, occasional negative thoughts and indecisiveness. ahaha..But i'm changing one step at a time.
My father told me that it was important to be humble. And i totally agree with that.
Nobody wants to talk with people who are arrogant because they know that they won't listen.
Thus, he told us to always remember that there are people out there who are smarter than us, better than us, and with this in thought, it will keep us humble.
When you know that there are people who are more successful, you would want to know how they think, and what can you learn from them. Therefore, you're opening up your learning scope.
If you're arrogant, you won't listen and this will cause you to lose the opportunity to learn more, in other words, you're limiting or missing your chance to learn.
Life is too short to make your own mistake and learn from it. It is better to learn from others mistake. Its like a shortcut to your goal. Only 1% of the population are successful and brilliant people. The remaining 99% are the average people. Thus, if you want to be that 1%, you have to think like a 1%. Their thinking pattern will definitaly be different and i think i'll be reading some biographies pretty soon. ahaha
So i have another new goal now which is:
- To strengthen our family bonding and understnading
- To strengthen my sisterhood with my sisters
- Operation family health
I love my family and i should start making it my priority! ^^
The problem with me is, after all the inspirations and better feelings that i get from advices and open-up conversations, i tend to forget the feeling after awhile and go back to my old self. However, I'm constantly trying to improve myself, so that i can be a better daughter and a better person as well.
I know my pros and cons. I'm not so good at understanding people or advicing but i'm good at being patient and compromising. My cons are usually related to confidence, that leads to charisma, ahving a stand, self-esteem, occasional negative thoughts and indecisiveness. ahaha..But i'm changing one step at a time.
My father told me that it was important to be humble. And i totally agree with that.
Nobody wants to talk with people who are arrogant because they know that they won't listen.
Thus, he told us to always remember that there are people out there who are smarter than us, better than us, and with this in thought, it will keep us humble.
When you know that there are people who are more successful, you would want to know how they think, and what can you learn from them. Therefore, you're opening up your learning scope.
If you're arrogant, you won't listen and this will cause you to lose the opportunity to learn more, in other words, you're limiting or missing your chance to learn.
Life is too short to make your own mistake and learn from it. It is better to learn from others mistake. Its like a shortcut to your goal. Only 1% of the population are successful and brilliant people. The remaining 99% are the average people. Thus, if you want to be that 1%, you have to think like a 1%. Their thinking pattern will definitaly be different and i think i'll be reading some biographies pretty soon. ahaha
So i have another new goal now which is:
- To strengthen our family bonding and understnading
- To strengthen my sisterhood with my sisters
- Operation family health
I love my family and i should start making it my priority! ^^
Friday, August 12, 2011
Reader's Digest Dec 2010 ^^
I've not been writing for so long that i've lost the flow in writing. But i'm going to keep practicing and i will get back the momentum! ^^
Anyway, I'M BACK!!!
My 1 year (actually 10 months) journey in Korea was wonderful! I did the things that i wanted. I've gained lots of new experience. I've learned a thing or two about myself. But i also feel like i've wasted some time there! I could have discovered more if i weren't getting lazier as time passed.
If "fear" and "lazy" do not exist in this world, everyone would be successful. ahaha
ooo..i think i found myself a new goal!
-To be fearless
-To be active at all times. Active in all the things i do. Active in studying. Active in having fun. Even being active in shopping.
^^
Because i do get lazy when it comes to shopping.
When i think back to the moment i saw my name in the "result email", I felt very uncomfortable.
I cried on the spot because I was happy that I'm finally getting the opportunity to study or to be in Korea for a year. I've always wanted to go overseas to study. To know how it feels like to be in a different environment. And even though i'm not there to study for my degree, i still felt like this dream came true.
I cried on the spot because I was sad that Grace wasn't going with me. In reality, I was afraid of going alone. I knew that i had to be independent and get out of my comfort zone. I didn't want to face those changes althoug I knew that we should embrace changes because that's what makes us grow. I didn't want to leave my friends and study my degree without them when i'm back. I got too comfortable in my foundation year that i hoped everything will stay the same for my degree. But the encouragement from my parents pushed me and I adapted really fast when i went to Korea. ahaha. My mindset changed as well. It was nice to make new friends because there's so many interesting people out there to meet. I know getting the right kind of friends may take awhile but I'm sure I'll be able to make good friends in my degree course. ^^
Ahaha.. I just realized that i used the word "dream". Such a simple thing can also be considered as a dream but i always have this perception that a dream should be something big. XD When someone asks me what is my dream, i do not know how to answer them. Without realizing, I also have all these small dreams that i want to achieve. =) Alrigt, let's continue.
Now, to the topic i want to share. =)
ARE YOU A CHEAPSKATE OR A THRIFTY PERSON?
ahaha..I think i'm a bit of a both. XD
"tightwads feel guilty spending money- frugal folk have fun saving"- From reader's digest dec 2010
I also like this sentence:
"we work for the future without ever being able to live for the day"- by Karl Rabeder, an Austrian Millionaire who unloaded all his worldly possessions to help others.
Well, that's all for now. Its time for me to start and finish my report..XD..
Anyway, I'M BACK!!!
My 1 year (actually 10 months) journey in Korea was wonderful! I did the things that i wanted. I've gained lots of new experience. I've learned a thing or two about myself. But i also feel like i've wasted some time there! I could have discovered more if i weren't getting lazier as time passed.
If "fear" and "lazy" do not exist in this world, everyone would be successful. ahaha
ooo..i think i found myself a new goal!
-To be fearless
-To be active at all times. Active in all the things i do. Active in studying. Active in having fun. Even being active in shopping.
^^
Because i do get lazy when it comes to shopping.
When i think back to the moment i saw my name in the "result email", I felt very uncomfortable.
I cried on the spot because I was happy that I'm finally getting the opportunity to study or to be in Korea for a year. I've always wanted to go overseas to study. To know how it feels like to be in a different environment. And even though i'm not there to study for my degree, i still felt like this dream came true.
I cried on the spot because I was sad that Grace wasn't going with me. In reality, I was afraid of going alone. I knew that i had to be independent and get out of my comfort zone. I didn't want to face those changes althoug I knew that we should embrace changes because that's what makes us grow. I didn't want to leave my friends and study my degree without them when i'm back. I got too comfortable in my foundation year that i hoped everything will stay the same for my degree. But the encouragement from my parents pushed me and I adapted really fast when i went to Korea. ahaha. My mindset changed as well. It was nice to make new friends because there's so many interesting people out there to meet. I know getting the right kind of friends may take awhile but I'm sure I'll be able to make good friends in my degree course. ^^
Ahaha.. I just realized that i used the word "dream". Such a simple thing can also be considered as a dream but i always have this perception that a dream should be something big. XD When someone asks me what is my dream, i do not know how to answer them. Without realizing, I also have all these small dreams that i want to achieve. =) Alrigt, let's continue.
Now, to the topic i want to share. =)
ARE YOU A CHEAPSKATE OR A THRIFTY PERSON?
ahaha..I think i'm a bit of a both. XD
"tightwads feel guilty spending money- frugal folk have fun saving"- From reader's digest dec 2010
I also like this sentence:
"we work for the future without ever being able to live for the day"- by Karl Rabeder, an Austrian Millionaire who unloaded all his worldly possessions to help others.
Well, that's all for now. Its time for me to start and finish my report..XD..
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