It's amazing that I didn't blog at all for 1 whole year, especially when it was a whole lot of ups and downs.
Going through a roller coaster year wasn't like any ordinary roller coaster ride.
A normal roller coaster prepares you for an on-coming down slope, it gives you time to build up the courage to face what's ahead. You feel the adrenaline at the start and you leave the ride at the end without feeling any sense of regret. It has a clean closure.
However, a roller coaster in life just hits you there and then, without any preparations given. You feel fear and sometimes a sense of regret when its over. You know what's the right thing to do or how you should handle the thoughts. Yes, you do that. But, you'll definitely feel that something is different or has changed, at least that's how I feel. You may not have built courage at the start but at the end, your endurance becomes a strength.
I was always an attention seeker but I didn't realize I was one. Recently, I've only been twitting or doing a status update when I'm feeling down. My motive was clear, I needed an output and I wanted sympathy. I wanted people to care of me when I know that I have a lot of people who already do. I kept thinking whether it was alright to do that? Self-pity?
All these thinking is coming from within me so I know can handle this by myself, so was it necessary for me to let others know that I'm hurting?
Who am I to complain about the things I've faced when there are others who've had it worse?
I didn't like that way of thinking so I've resorted to expressing through my blog although I know it would be better for me to express out in my personal journal or to a decent human being.
I know I should focus on the important and happy parts of life.
I know I have a choice.
That's why I have to let the negative thinking out in order to continue with the positive thinking.
I feel a bit better know. =)
Thank you Elaine for writing this. For slowly finding a way to love yourself.
Be confident. Be open. Be happy.
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